Fri 17 Jul 2009
So tired…tired of waiting
Posted by cowboyboot lady under Uncategorized
How do you know if it’s just for now or if it’s forever?
I wait for him. To get home from work. To get home from drinks after work. To get home from band practice. To get home from drinks after band practice. To get home from shows with the band. To get home from his weekends away. I wait.
It seems like he is away more than he is home. He keeps himself so busy and occupied. He keeps himself and his mind occupied.
I know this is not the life he imagined. The life he hoped for. He was married almost ten years ago. They lived in a house in the suburbs with a dog. They learned what pain really is. They have three children in heaven. They parted ways. He met me shortly after.
In 2009 he is supposed to be mowing and watering his lawn. He is supposed to be putting up a swing set in the backyard for his four-year-old daughter. He is supposed to be celebrating his ten year anniversary. He is supposed to be a dad.
When left alone in the quiet condo he thinks of what he is supposed to have and only sees what he does not have. A wife. Children. A garage. A yard. A home. A family.
He has me and the dog in a one floor condo with no yard for the dog and no garage for his tools. There are no children. There is a baby crib still in the box underneath our guest bed. The baby crib that he bought for his little girl. It’s still in the box. Four years later.
Is he keeping so busy to avoid mourning the past and what he has lost? How long will he avoid? When will he slow down and realize what he has now? With me. His second chance.
I want him home with me. I want to feel that security that his wife felt. I want forever. I want children. I want a yard. When will it be my turn?
How long will I be waiting for him to come home? How much longer does he need to keep himself so (pre)occupied? For now? Or forever?
9 Responses to “ So tired…tired of waiting ”
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[...] weeks ago I was posting about how BF occupies his time and is consumed by his activities. Now I am doing the same. I am trying to mask the pain. I am busy. Every day. New people. New [...]
Awww, I’m sorry. How sad.
I read this wondering if this is really the way he feels about his life. I think you should talk to him…
Oh, my. It sounds like he is afraid to feel and process his grief so that he (and you) can move forward.
That must be so hard for you.
No a$$vice. Just hugs.
I wish there was more I could say but I’m so sorry, for both of you that things are this way. I hope you can find a way to move forward together.
Wow. What a hand you are both dealt. I can’t imagine how difficult the void must be for you both. I just hope that together, you find your balance and that somehow, your journey from here on out together will fill you both right up to the tip top.
It’s an amazing post.
i am so sorry for how alone you are feeling. it is hard to love the grieving. sometimes as bereaved parents, we pull away when it hurts in an effort to avoid even more pain. that may be what he is doing. it has been those people in my life, the truly dedicated friends who refused to lose their relationship with me after the death of my daughter, those who have talked to me about my feelings, even when they have been afraid of what they would hear, that have made the most difference. you love this man, tell him how you are feeling and let him know that you are there for him, and reassure him that feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. you have needs in this relationship, don’t be afraid to express that. most of all, let him know that you want to be let in. i will be praying for you to open the lines of communication.
I’m so sorry, I can only imagine how hard this most be for you and also for him. The only thing I can say is people grieve in their own ways and you can’t rush it.
I hope he does realize what he has with you and you can move on with your lives a stronger couple.
I’m sorry hun… * HUG *
It might be beneficial for him to consider counseling? To be able to deal with all of the past and put it to bed so that he is able to present with you now. It’s really hard when their past affects your future. My boyfriend was divorcing when I met him and I feel like that robbed me of a great relationship… of getting what I needed and deserved and of being treated well. It’s robbing me of being a “we” right now. And I couldn’t imagine how it would be if he had been in your boyfriend’s shoes… all I know is it is something he needs to deal with, process and put behind him in order to move forward with you and his life. If you ever need someone to talk to I am only an email away
xoxo