cowboy boot roller skates

I have been troubled the last couple of weeks. 

1.     My boyfriend has not quit smoking.

2.     A majority of my boyfriend’s time is consumed by his band.

3.     My freakin’ sunburn from two weeks ago continues to hurt like hell and has prevented me from working out regularly.

4.     Our dog’s arthritis has gotten worse and it breaks my heart to watch her in pain.

5.     I still hate my job and cannot find another one.

6.     I am broke.

This list seemed so much longer when caught up in moments of fury. 

Sitting here at home on Saturday morning, enjoying my time off…I am reviewing each stressor. 

I asked Boyfriend why he doesn’t quit smoking.  I told him that it will make his heart healthier and his world happier.   He said, “I know.”  That’s all I can do.  Wait for him to be ready to quit.  Gosh, I hope it happens soon.  I hate watching him commit suicide.  It’s not fair to love someone so much and to have to watch him hurting himself.  And to feel like there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Nearly every other weekend he goes away with the band to perform.  I stay home to take care of the dog.  He may miss my niece’s first birthday party.  He will be away for the Fourth of July weekend.  I hate that he may miss these times and more.  But, there is nothing I can do.  He is committed to his band and must play these shows.  I remind myself that everything changes.  Nothing remains the same.  He’s committed to the band now.  Although music will always be an important part of his life, one day the band may not be such a commitment. 

I am still angry with myself for allowing the damn sun to destroy my leg.  

I visited the doctor.  And it is slowly getting better.  My mother had melanoma when she was just a few years older than I.  I am so angry with myself for allowing this to happen. Never again.  Sunscreen, sunscreen, and more sunscreen for me!  I am cancelling my gym membership to save money.  But soon my leg will be healed and I’ll be running on the open road…training for a 5k!

We got more meds from the vet for the dog’s arthritis.  She is just over eleven years old and I don’t want to see her suffering so much in her later years.  I think the meds are helping more now.  She made it up the stairs on her own yesterday. 

For nine months I have been searching for a new job.  Three promising interviews, but no offers.  Bad timing.  Soon after I finished my masters’s degree, the economy went to hell.  Come on economy, pull through!!!  I deserve a rewarding career, GOSH!!! 

Even though my salary is crap, I am managing to pay off my debt.  Slowly but surely.  I have very little spending money and often order water when going out for drinks with friends.  But my car will be paid off by February 2010.  And my credit card debt by September 2010.  Snowball effect.  I learned that from David Ramsey.  Then I will start to accumulate savings.  Although it seems like I am the poorest person I know right now…I will be in much better shape in the long term.

So maybe my life is not so bad.  I like to think that I am doing everything I can to make it the best it can be.  And to be the happiest and healthiest I can.  

Some things that make me happy:

Boyfriend.  He loves me and shows me.  He may not tell me as much as I’d like.  But, even with his busy schedule, I know he’s there for me when I really need him.

Bestest BFF ever!  Even with a new baby at home, a husband, house, job, dissertation, family, friends, church…she has time for me when I need her.  And let me tell you…I need her!  She is the best!

My sister is a doll.  I am so proud of her.  On Monday she left for a study abroad program in Germany.  She is going to be an environmental scientist and help U.S. companies keep up and stay Green!  She makes good decisions, thinks of her future, and enjoys her life.  Sometimes, I wish I could be more like my little sister!  :)  She is twenty years old.  She and her boyfriend have been dating since they were sixteen.  Cute pic of them!

And how darn cute is my niece!  Just looking at her smiling face makes me happy!

And homemade chocolate chip cookies make me happy…and hungry!

And the roses outside my front door!

We went to the lake for the long Memorial Day weekend.  Took Friday and Tuesday off work for an extra long, relaxing weekend.  First full day I was unfortunate to receive the worst flippin’ sunburn ever!  Stupid!  Painful!   I used the Neutrogena SPF 45 spray sunscreen, but due to a windy day and my carelessness, I would say 75% of SPF blew twelve inches to the left of my skin.  After four hours of zip sledding, swimming, and boat riding I suspected sunburn.  Later that night my legs were on fire!  My right lower leg was severely burned.  The next day I felt a shooting pain straight up my leg when I stood or when I put any weight on my right leg at all.  I made it out of bed eventually and continued on with my day…with a not-so-slight limp and grunts to accompany.  Five days later my right ankle was still swollen to where I couldn’t find my ankle bone to save my life.  It’s finally getting better.  I think I will stay away from those new spray sunscreens in the future and stick to the old fashion lotion.  The pain, unsightliness, and risk of cancer is not worth the convenience.

swollen right ankle

Other than the sunburn…weekend was great!  Took the two nephews zip sledding behind the boat.  They had a blast!  They were like the Energizer Bunny on that thing…we could have pulled them all day!

And then there was cliff jumping for the older boys…

Like uncle, like nephew.

I fixed homemade waffles for Boyfriend’s birthday breakfast.  They were delish!  

After breakfast, Boyfriend made his way to the couch where he enjoyed a lazy rainy afternoon.

Right next to our little girl.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable weekend.  I blame no one but myself for the stupid sunburn.  I haven’t been able to work out for a week now and I am sure feeling it.

So I have finally created the blog that I’ve been thinking about for months!  I am truly proud of myself for building it all on my own…with help from Wordpress and Go Daddy of course. 

This weekend I enjoyed an evening of bluegrass with Boyfriend’s band.  Dancing, singing, and laughing into the early morning hours.  Enjoying the music, friends, and beautiful spring night.  Really was some of the most fun I have had in a while!  

Dinner with Family was eventful.  Cousin S made two exciting announcements: she is getting married AND she is pregnant!  Baby is due in October and wedding will be next spring.  Congratulations Cousin S!

Boyfriend said that because I am Pooch’s mom and sometimes his mom, he wanted to take me out to dinner for Mother’s Day!  We enjoyed yummy veggie burgers, french fries, and red wine!

Also recently discovered this week was Pooch’s arthritis.  Vet gave us an anti-inflammatory, pain med, and glucosamine.  I hope she gets better soon with the meds!  Poor Poochie!